Goddess for a Day: Jemme Bethune Stewart

By: LuAnn Pierce, LISW-CP

Nelson Mandala said “ It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us . We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? … playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are born to manifest the Glory of God (dess) that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone . And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give to other people permission to do the same . As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Often we downplay our goddessness to prevent others from perceiving us as grandiose or feeling inferior somehow. As women, we must reconcile our ambivalence about embracing our magnificence. In our featured goddess column we will speak to women about this issue, and learn from one another ways to embrace our own goddessness, and model that ability for others.

GG: What does the following statement mean to you: we are all goddesses and need only to realize that in order to allow those qualities to show up in our lives?

Jemme: I have a very long history of “getting in my own way”!!! And some of my closer friends that confide in me tell me that they feel the same way at times. I believe that in each of us there is a place of truth or a knowing that is our guide. When I am able to listen to that inner wisdom or guide within myself I find that I am generally at peace and feel a sense of well being.

The Goddess in us can find this knowing and will trust this. The parts of us that we all have that doubt, and don't trust our own wisdom will often make us take fairly lengthy detours before we can get to this knowing. Most of us, I believe have lots of ways of getting in our own way. When we learn to step aside and let this deeper guide lead us we will realize the goddess qualities in ourselves.

GG: What ideas would you offer to women who are parenting girls to help them raise young women who recognize their goddessness earlier in life (not to be confused with the over-indulgence of the ‘little princess' syndrome)?

Jemme: Women parenting girls must first and foremost recognize their own goddess qualities. Growing up with a mother who is in the process of knowing how to love and accept herself on all level can be a tremendous influence on a child's development. I personally see too many women who sacrifice their own self care and focus all of their energy on their child. While mothering certainly involves some sacrifice, it is so very important for a mother to live what she wants her daughter to learn.

Mothers who give from a place of abundance and gratitude send a different message to their daughters as opposed to mothers who give from an empty well. Helping a child to develop self awareness, teaching her positive coping skills, and of course the wonderful infusion of love and positive unconditional love all go into the formula.

GG: Share with us some ways to honor the natural cycles of life in women and girls that create a stronger identity with our goddessness.

Jemme: There are many ways to honor the natural cycles of life in women and girls that will create a stronger identity with the goddess. I had a client many years ago who was a very wise woman. She truly understood and listened to the goddess within. She had three daughters. Whenever a neighbor or a friend had a child, she and her daughters would come up with some creative idea of how to welcome that new baby into the world. The girls would be invited to suggest ideas about how they might celebrate this new baby. All suggestions were honored and to the degree possible carried out. They would spend several weeks talking about what to do and then working on the project. Sometimes it involved making a picture for the baby or a collage. Sometimes they prepared a special food to take to the family. Once they made a blanket with the mother's help that was a lovely representation of being welcomed into life.

I will never forget this mother's attention to this ritual of celebrating new life with her daughters. They would have talks about what it means to start a new life. As they grew older the nature of the talks would deepen. These “girls” are young women now and one of them has recently had a daughter. I don't see the family any more but I'll almost bet that this new baby was welcomed in and will learn early in her life to welcome other new lives.

GG: When you think of goddessness, what qualities come to mind? How do you define that essence in your own life?

Jemme: When I think of goddess I think of a woman who is self aware, who focuses on her own personal growth. She is in the process of learning and/or knowing how to love herself and trust herself. Other qualities that come to mind are passionate, joyful, peaceful, and fun loving; she is a woman who gives from a place in herself of having enough to give.

I was recently listening to a teaching series by a female Episcopal Priest by the name of Cynthia Bourgeault . She was talking about how much energy it takes to have to go out into the world and work to make people love us. She said that it is so much easier to open ourselves to love, let it come into us and then return it. I really love that notion of filling our own cup and then returning it.

In my own life I have struggled with the idea of receiving. Letting go and trusting that there is “enough ” … and I don't have to MAKE everything happen. My recent illness has caused me to have to stop. Temporarily I cannot MAKE it happen. I have been overwhelmed with the love, support, caring , gifts, aid in all forms, prayers and kindness that has come to me. I find myself full of love that is and will return out into the world.

GG: Share with us a situation in your life that really brought home the message that you already embody the qualities of the goddess regardless of accomplishments or accumulations.

Jemme: My recent illness is what is so present in my mind right now. In spite of the problems and discomforts that go with my treatment, I am at times finding myself really filled with joy. And further more wanting to share it!!! I feel myself so much more connected to my own spirit and the spirit of others. I feel a great desire to connect with those that I love and I am in fact doing that.

I love poetry and there is a poem that expresses what I am feeling so well.

Welcome Morning by Anne Sexton

There is joy

In all:

In the hair I brush each morning,

In the Cannon towel, newly washed,

That I rub my body with each morning,

In the chapel of eggs I cook

Each morning,

In the our cry from the kettle

That heats my coffee

Each morning,

In the spoon and the chair

That cry “Hello there, Anne”

Each morning,

In the godhead of the table

That I set my silver , plate, cup upon

All this is God,

Right here in my pea-green house

Each morning

And I mean,

Though often forget ,

To give thanks,

To faint down by the kitchen table

In a prayer of rejoicing

As the holy birds at the kitchen window

Peck into their marriage of seeds.

So while I think of it,

Let me paint a thank-you on my palm

For this God, this laughter of the morning,

Lest it go unspoken.

The Joy that isn't shared, I've heard,

Dies young.

Thanks Jemme! You are definitely a role model for the goddesses of the world. We honor and celebrate your wisdom, compassion and caring. Many goddess blessing to you!

From Girl to Goddess
By: LuAnn, Goddess of Girlhood

Parenting girls (boys too) is by far one of the most important jobs on the planet. I remember hearing of a research study years ago which indicated that self esteem in girls begins to drop after age 10, and continues to decline throughout life. I take issue with that, but I'm sure within the control groups they used for their study, it was their findings. I mean, Harvard is pretty well respected, but we all know that research statistics are often skewed and the sample population rarely represents all of us. I suppose what I would rather say is that it doesn't have to happen, and there are plenty of opportunities throughout the life cycle to turn things around if one's self esteem was low in earlier years.

For me, going to college as a mature student of 28 did wonders for my self esteem. I was one of those kids who had more energy and less focus than appreciated by most school officials. By the end of first grade, I was sure that school was not my forte. I knew that I would need to find ways to entertain myself for the next 11 years while the other students were doing their work . . . and I did.

Though I made good grades in the early years, and average grades in the later years, I did not like school; it was not a positive, warm fuzzy experience for me, my teachers or the students in my vicinity. My citizenship marks left a lot to be desired! I had no intention of going to school one more day after I finally graduated, but found it to be a very rewarding and esteem producing experience at almost 30. I had much growing up to do in the school of hard knocks before I was appropriate for higher education, but it changed my life drastically.

So, what can we do as parents and mentors to girls that facilitates the realization of their goddessness? Truthfully, some things only life experience will make real. However, I believe that we can begin that process in girlhood by identifying the goddess qualities that we want our girls to embrace as they grow and mature, then setup situations in their youth to cultivate those qualities.

The following activity is one that I used spontaneously in a therapy session with a parent who was concerned about her 7-year-old's behaviors.

Envision your child as an adult. Spend some time thinking about who she is as an adult . . . how she interacts with people and what your hopes and dreams are for her as a woman who embodies her goddessness.

Write down all the qualities you want for her . . . the essence of who she is in your imagery, but not the specifics, such as how she earns her living or who she marries (those aren't your choices!).

For each quality you identify, think of how one learns to ‘be' that quality. For example, if being capable and assertive is on your list, describe what lessons she will need to learn from you and others in her life to develop those qualities. If you want her to be one who gets along and goes along with others, the lessons she needs to learn may be quite different, though not mutually exclusive.

As you develop your list, remember that lessons need to be age appropriate, and that she needs to develop the foundation of these qualities in early childhood; she will build upon those traits as she learns more lessons in later years. The key is to lay the foundation in girlhood so that she can hone those qualities as she matures.

This list will probably be quite long and detailed. It will require that you look at if from a developmental perspective; you will need to teach or arrange these lessons at the right time in her life.

Another example from my practice is that of a six-year-old who is highly spirited and a bit difficult for peers to get along. She believes that everything and everyone are here to make her life more complete, much like I was at that age . . . precocious to the extreme, and spoiled. Though there is nothing wrong with her self esteem, getting along with others is a quality that she will need to develop. Leadership skills gone awry often result in delinquency, trust me on this!

Nobody at any age likes to be dominated or made to feel inferior by a girl, goddess, or anyone else who is out of balance in the power realm! My sage advice to this child's mother was to get her involved in team sports or some group where she IS NOT the center of the universe; she needs to learn to succeed by working with others as a part of the team, and to take instruction from the coach. While we don't want to quash her spirit, it is our responsibility to help her balance that sense of power with equal parts of tolerance, patience, trust and kindness.

Without balance, girl goddesses can develop into dictatorial adult goddesses who have difficulty in relationships, on the job and in other areas of life. Though some of those skills will serve her well, when out of balance, the benefits are short-lived. The lessons in tolerance, patience, trust and kindness will continue to come her way until she learns the lessons she missed in her girlhood.

LuAnn Pierce is a psychotherapist in Columbia, South Carolina. Since 1986 she has worked in the field of counseling and social work. As one who loves diversity, LuAnn has used her skills and innate creativity to establish several groups and projects for women, teens and children over the years. She has written and published many articles and a parenting book titled Growing up Sane . The Grand Goddess is her most recent creation, and Gift of the Goddess her most recent publication. For more information about her clinical practice, see the bio on the Counseling webpage. Email her at realizationgoddess@thegrandgoddess.com .

Ah, the Teen Years
By: Sara, Independent Goddess

I remember them well. First date, first kiss, first period . Those alone were enough to undo me without throwing in the zits and hormones. And how could I forget the dramatic friendships, the angst-ridden poetry, wondering why no one understood me and internal dialogue riddled with thoughts like “why, for the love of God, was I born into this family?” Out of nothing but sheer embarrassment I refuse to even revisit the clothing, hairstyle, and makeup decisions I made based, not on flattery, but coolness and popularity.

It's a wonder any of us make it out of adolescence alive. After all, research has stated for years that young girls are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents. Fifty percent of 9-year old girls and eighty percent of 10-year olds have dieted. And it just gets worse with age; ninety percent of high school juniors and seniors watch what they eat even though only ten percent of them of are over the recommended weight for their height. With all the emphasis on being skinny it's no wonder anorexia has the highest morality rate of any psychiatric diagnosis. Yet in almost every school in the US you'll find drug and alcohol programs, but none for eating disorders.

So how does one beat the odds and come out of those most traumatic years unscathed? Or at the very least only slightly marred? I don't have the answer to that and I'm not yet convinced we can. But I do know there's a whole litany of resources out there that make me wish I were sixteen again, because with their help the process of growing up wouldn't have been so hard (or maybe that's just my wishful grownup thinking).

Regardless, one of them happens to be right in our own backyard—yoga. It's something I found in my twenties that really cuts down on slamming doors and temper tantrums. Whoever said adolescence ended at eighteen was sorely mistaken . . . just ask my ex-boyfriend. If yoga can guide me through breakups, first dates, and new careers, I have no doubt it can work wonders for my younger more melodramatic sisters as well.

Stacey Collins and Carroll Campion (a Licensed Professional Counselor nonetheless) have tailored a one-day workshop just for those in their hormonal prime. The focus of the class will be on creating a healthy lifestyle for young women (sorry men and women who are not between the ages of 13-18). They will accomplish this by guiding participants through imagery, group dialogue and journaling. Yoga asana (a fancy word for Yoga pose) will be used for body awareness, strength, balance and rest. And a lecture will center on female bodies, nutrition, and stress management.

Do you know a teen who could benefit from a few hours of stress relief? If so, send them over to City Yoga on Saturday, October 7 th . At the very least it's three hours free from worry; you can hardly hold the downward dog posture while stressing over a zit. And at the most, maybe it will help a girl you know find that pedestal she was born with.

The workshop will be held Saturday, October 7 th from 1:00 to 4:00 pm and costs $45. City Yoga is located at 3215 Devine Street, Columbia, South Carolina. You can find out more about the workshop and other classes offered at http://www.carolinaliving.com/CityYoga/home.asp or by calling (803) 799-5400. You may even find a class or two suited for Goddesses of other ages and stages.

The Independent Goddess is a world traveler whose day job gets in the way of her exploits. Email: independentgoddess@thegrandgoddess.com

To make a comment or ask a question about this article, make a statement on our blog: Adolescence: Finding Her Pedestal

Who's That Girl?
By: McBee, 20-something Goddess

The image of the "ideal" 20-something young woman is that of materialism, limbo-ism and Barbie-like qualities.

While there are a few individuals who meet the above standards, most of us are just going about our lives in a manner in which we are constantly trying to achieve the societal goal of the "perfect woman" but somehow never quite make it.

What exactly is the perfect 20-something woman? Is she a blonde? brunette? redhead? Is she skinny? curvy? athletic? What kind of clothes does she wear? Does she always have the perfect handbag and shoes?  Is she timid or does she speak her mind? Does she run with the pack, or stand out in the crowd? Is she you? Who is she exactly?

She is all of those things and more.  What's wrong with the 20-something woman of today is that we are constantly inundated with media messages that do not merely suggest who we should be, but tell us who we are.  "You're not trendy if you're not up on the latest fashions." BS.  Society today constantly tries to extend to women that we can be whole by filling our lives with unnecessary fluff and clutter of material objects, when truly we are whole to begin with.

Women of the 20-somethings are constantly in limbo with life.  We are told what we should be, who we should be and where we should be going.  When one is trying to figure out exactly who we are and what it is we are about, we get confused about all these things because of the dichotomy of what we want and what everyone else wants.  Limbo has set in.

I have talked to many of my friends and people outside of my circle. One thing has always struck me as odd: women and men alike want everything to be in either black or white, as in everything needs to be put in some sort of category.  One should be happy with the gray areas of life.  Accept that you can be both knowledgeable and naïve . . . happy and sad . . . bold and timid. Stop obsessing with what you absolutely are and what you absolutely are not.  Just know that you can be absolutely yourself and it is okay.   Be happy with the gray--it gives you lots of wiggle room to be truly who you are without any outside interference.


I am McBee, Goddess of the 20-Somethings. I attend USC, majoring in Public Relations with a minor in Womens Studies.  I am a daughter, a sister, a lover and a fighter, a student, a teacher, but most of all I am a goddess who is finally accepting her pedestal. Email me at 20somethinggoddess@thegrandgoddess.com .

To make a comment or ask a question about this article, make a statement on our blog: Young Adulthood: Accepting Her Pedestal

Coming to Believe
By: LuAnn, Goddess of Realization

Who knew that getting older could be so liberating? I have to say, growing up in my family with the emphasis on beauty and youthfulness did not prepare me to enjoy my forties…I dreaded them! As it turns out, Mother doesn't know everything (I knew that from early on and now she knows it, too!) and getting older has been a relief, rather than a burden.

Gone are the days of competing with everyone to be more and do better; the years of making amends for being irresponsible when I was younger by trying to save the world now, seem to be over. That drive that lead me to the brink of insanity more than a few times has diminished to only a spark that I control, rather than being controlled by it. And, I view the gray hairs as badges of honor, rather than signs of shame. These realizations are quite a twist from what I had anticipated, and all things that I have come to believe as a result of my journey.

Is there a way to learn these lessons earlier in life? Do we really have to live 45-50 years to embrace the magic inherent in the freedom that accompanies coming into one's own? Must we learn everything the hard way, or do some out there indeed learn from our experiences?

I have come to believe that mentoring and the nurturing friendships found among many women in this stage of life bring us closer to these realizations. Perhaps younger women can come into their own earlier if they are involved in communities such as ours at The Grand Goddess. The GG is sort of an ‘intergenerational therapeutic community' . . . a social workish way of saying that our groups have women of all ages in them, and we learn from each other.

One of the plaques at The Grand Goddess says “When Women Talk it is Always Therapy.” I must confess, there have been times and women in my life with whom our talk was not therapeutic, but the women who are attracted to The Grand Goddess seem to embody that sentiment. Our talk is usually uplifting and solution focused. Very little gossip happens that I am aware of, and in the absence of hierarchy, our matriarchal community of goddesses seems to get along quite well.

Anyone who has spent time in 12-step circles remembers the traditions that govern behavior among the groups and the preamble that outlines acceptable interpersonal exchanges. There is much wisdom found in those circles, and a lot that can be learned from their experiences. But, anyone who understands group dynamics knows that it is the collective influence of the group that brings healing, and that groups are only as healthy as the members and leadership.

While we do not specify a code of conduct, each of us models the expected behavior and that is what we find there. The dynamics are different from group to group, but the underlying tenets of safety, belonging and acceptance are steadfast, which is why women come to the GG. That and the fact that we laugh a lot, regardless of the reason for gathering.

It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Find the teachers in your life, and learn everything you can from them. Likewise, reach out to those who quest for support, guidance and knowledge from a mentor. Most importantly, bask in the realization that you don't have to be all things to all people; learn to receive graciously; embrace the goddess qualities you have developed over the years; and just ‘be' as much as possible . . . let the younger ones ‘do' for a season. Breathe!

LuAnn Pierce is a psychotherapist in Columbia, South Carolina. Since 1986 she has worked in the field of counseling and social work. As one who loves diversity, LuAnn has used her skills and innate creativity to establish several groups and projects for women, teens and children over the years. She has written and published many articles and a parenting book titled Growing up Sane . The Grand Goddess is her most recent creation, and Gift of the Goddess her most recent publication. For more information about her clinical practice, see the bio on the Counseling webpage. Email her at luann@thegrandgoddess.com .

To make a comment or ask a question about this article, make a statement on our blog: Adulthood: Realizing Her Pedestal

The Beginning of Silver Threads
By: Joan, Silver Goddess

When I was a tween and a teen, I was pretty sure that no one beyond the age of 25 knew anything worth listening to. Time passed and I gazed out of my own 25 year old eyes barely recognizing that women ten years older than me just might have knowledge to share about child care, marital woes or how to get a higher paying job. When I was 30 I met my first wise woman, a mere dozen years my senior. A new light dawned as I gathered the pearls that she offered day after day. She was my boss and the first to say to me, “You can do anything and everything you want to do. Just get started.” Even now, more than 20 years later, those words bring a slow curving smile to the corners of my mouth.

In the glow of the light that she shown, day dreams began to form and I pictured myself in corporate corner offices, receiving advanced degrees, traveling great distances, visiting historic places, seeing amazing landscapes and spending time with fascinating people. The flood gates of possibilities burst open in my imagination.

There were a few wise men as well. As a child the most influential person was my father, not because he encouraged me to do or be anything; but, because he expected me to THINK and he talked with me and we read newspapers and he asked my opinion. Although it often got me in trouble, I think that he stifled a smile when I challenged traditional authority. My older step brothers protected me, hid my things and teased me about never being allowed to date; but, they didn't imagine that I could do anything. Time passed and many things changed including where we lived. A few months before my sixteenth birthday my father died and my mother, younger brother and I moved near my mother's family.

Another wise man entered my life, my high school principal, a man rich in humor, knowledge and curiosity. His questions were challenging, “Why aren't you on the debate team? Why aren't you running for student council? Cheerleading can't be all you are going to do!” Three years later, he influenced the first real job I had and personally took me to the interview. And, during that time another wise man showed me an opportunity to excel; but, expected that I would trade it for the sweetness of my youth – sex. My virginity was not in question; but, my answer was still, “No, not no; but, hell no.” And, my negative response had little to do with morals, his age or that he was not nearly as hunkie as the guy I was dating. It was the idea that it was a trade between my mind and my body and it had never occurred to me that they didn't go together, or that one devalued the other.

Then, there was a long, dry spell where wisdom was as fleeting as lightening bugs on a moonless summer night. But, my hunger did not wane and I looked and listened to whispers wherever they came from. And, when those voices broke through the congestion of everyday life complex with children to raise, a problematic marriage and fulfillment-starved jobs, they often came from women whose years numbered the same as mine. These sisters stood shoulder-to-shoulder, longing to dream and dance while juggling family, careers, decisions and continuations.

Up until my mid thirties, my experience with sisterhood had primarily been social or work. But, the slippery rocks along the path caused me to reach out to steady my way and time after time I found an out-stretched hand and compassionate responses. I asked and it was given. I called and responses easily came. I knocked on doors and was welcomed inside.

The decade of forty was definitely fabulous in every way. Like an exhilarated race horse with a full head of steam thundering across a meadow companions all around I embraced that time like no other in my life. The hesitancy of my twenties was gone. The adjustments of my thirties had been managed and I jumped off cliff after cliff to the encouragement and cheers of wise women all around me. They appeared as if brought by winged messengers encouraging me to fuel my own flames.

Go for everything.

Learn as you go.

You can do whatever you want --- you are already doing it.

Start a business.

Climb the corporate ladder.

Go back to school.

Apply for a passport.

Travel abroad.

Be curious and have a wonderful time.

Start over again.

Get high on autonomy.

Honor your own wisdom.

If you think that forty was fabulous; just wait until you catch a glimpse of fifty! It's like the terrible twos with five decades of experience behind it. “No, you can't” is not even in the vocabulary of a woman in her stride on the edge of embracing wisdom.

Article written by : Joan Hardy Eison, a consultant specializing in organizational development, training,

career coaching, writing and editing. silvergoddess@thegrandgoddess.com

To make a comment or ask a question about this article, make a statement on our blog: Midlife: Sharing Her Pedestal